AUs of our AUs: A timeline diverges, and a would-be queen leaves her kingdom behind.

[deheldegarthe]

Hadand knew he was here. She waited in the throne room, dressed in her family's green rather than the royal crimson, a black sash at her waist. Cama stood by in Shield Arm position, having had both the faith in Hadand and Evred and the air of authority necessary to take over the Guard and back Hadand's orders. When Evred finally reached the throne room, his arrival heralded as much by the people's gasps and murmurs as by any formal announcement, she saluted, fist to heart.

Everything blurred together after that. Evred got her alone at first opportunity, taking Hadand by the hands once they were safely shut into the royal nursery where they had grown up together. "You held the kingdom. There's nothing greater anyone could ask."

It struck her suddenly, how tall and straight he'd grown. Only his expressions distinguished him from his late father. There were new lines around his eyes since last she'd seen him. Even at twenty, he was old enough and wise enough that Hadand could easily trust him with a kingdom. She would trust Evred with anything, herself included. He could never care for her romantically, of course, and she stamped out any faint tendrils of attraction before they could take root and grow strong.

"Sponge--" she started, cutting herself off at use of the childhood nickname. "Evred, I know you have far more than your share of worries right now, but could I ask you to take on one more?" At his nod of assent, an unspoken 'of course' implied in the look that accompanied it, she continued. "There are whispers in the palace. Eyes follow me, and people stop speaking when I enter a room. I've no wish to burden you, but things changed after my father went home to Choread Elgaer. I fear it may mean more trouble coming."

He squeezed her hands briefly before releasing them. "Hadand," and he paused here to consider his words, "you know that I trust you completely, and know you too well to believe any testimony against you." The one bit of broken trust between them had been long-since forgiven, though never forgotten. Evred loved her like a sister. He had always trusted and looked up to her, in a way he never had his own sibling.

"That means there is false testimony," Hadand concluded, as he'd known she would. "Lies to further muddy the waters, as if things weren't bad enough. What do they say?"

Evred's mouth twisted. "You were implicated in my brother's assassination." At her look of outrage, he continued, "I doubt they can get you executed for it, but they will almost certainly have you imprisoned in the numbers they are amassing to back their story.

"Hadand, I want you to go. Like Inda." He never mentioned Inda aloud anymore, but Hadand knew her youngest brother was always in Evred's thoughts. The name alone was proof of his seriousness. "I want you out of reach of this, and there will be no honorable return to Iasca Leror. It is all I can do for you. You deserve to be Hadand-Gunvaer, and hailed as Deheldegarthe by the people. You earned that place. You defended the throne with your own two hands, and I had thought to ask..."

He trails off momentarily, before shaking his head. "Go to Lindeth Harbor. Sail on the ship with least ties to home."

Hadand had remained stoic throughout the speech, but that last word, home, broke her facade. Evred could see how lost she felt now, rather than just surmising it. She knew nothing of space travel. When Barend came home to speak of his time aboard ships, it sounded like nonsense to her. And Iasca Leror was, of course, her home. Hadand could recall no time when she had not known that she would be its queen one day. Her life was here. Her family, what little of it remained to her, was here.

Her family.

With Hadand gone, that would leave not a single one of her parents' children alive and within the kingdom. Her mother would be left with the two girls she'd raised to wed the two sons now lost to her, and not even any letters from a daughter in the royal city as consolation.

That was unacceptable. "If I go," she said quietly, "I need a promise from you. As my friend, my family, and my king."

"Anything," he promised, "if it is within my power to do."

Hadand breathed deep before she spoke again, chin jutting out stubbornly. "Bring my brother home. Swear it to me, and swear it to my mother. Write to my mother from time to time. Tell her I escaped safely. Pass along my love, if you can manage it." She reached out, very lightly touching Evred's arm. Her voice was very soft. "Inda's situation was nothing like mine. He refused a whipping after contrived boyhood dishonor, not because he was afraid but because he did not deserve it. Find a way to set it aside. The revelation of your uncle's other treachery should help. Find Inda, and set things right."

He said he would, and so, she left.

As luck would have it, Hadand found the most foreign ship of all, one whose ties were in an entirely different part of the galaxy. Hadand pled her case with Captain Janeway of the Voyager and was allowed aboard. It pained her to leave Iasca Leror and know that there would truly be no return, but at least now there can be no second guessing.

Hadand can never go home.

She tries to settle into her new life aboard ship, the greenest of new recruits but willing to learn. Hadand cautiously works her way into the crew trying to find a place and a purpose after losing the only ones she'd known.

Comments

[deheldegarthe]

Hadand finds herself grateful for the table between them. If they were on their feet, she doesn't think she could keep from wrapping her arms around him at that. As it is, she reaches out to take whichever of Chakotay's hands hasn't been occupied with eating. She squeezes lightly, thumb running over the back of his hand. It takes her a moment to force herself to let go, but when she does, the movement is smooth. It only feels like she's wrenching her hand away in her own mind.

"If you knew," she tells him softly and sincerely, "I would offer to learn it from you. You may have come late to the ways of your people, but it's obvious just from the little you've told me how highly you value those traditions. I don't think anyone, your father especially, could hold earlier conflict or disagreements against you in light of that."

Hadand never had the option of neglecting traditions. They started their children out young, especially the future queen. She would have had to leave home entirely, and by the time she was old enough to do so, her loyalties and sense of duty were already far too firmly entrenched. Some days it still seems strange, trying to find a new sense of purpose, because her old one defined every aspect of Hadand's life before she came aboard Voyager.

"Languages weren't something I could avoid learning. We have no translators, and every Marlovan is at least bilingual. We have to be, because both languages are used in our daily lives. I speak more than just our native languages, though. I was sending coded messages in Old Sartoran before I reached my teens." Dead languages are the best form of covert communication, because hardly anyone understands them. Even so, the usual codes with plants and animals, and inclusions of appropriate verses of poetry when those did not suffice, were used to mask real meaning.

[chakotay]

Chakotay would not protest being hugged by Hadand, but such an embrace would make it very difficult for him to keep his feelings for her at bay. At least with Kathryn, they don't have much physical contact aside from hands on shoulders. They tend to speak more in expressions and body language, a habit he's starting to pick up with Hadand, for better or worse. So when she takes his hand, he returns the squeeze, doing his best not to make it too tight or too lose and likely failing.

"I've seen him... in my recent meditations," he admits softly. "My father's spirit now speaks to me, gives me advice as he never did before. I have accepted the ways of our people and so... I have fully embraced what he once tried to teach me. When I was young, I didn't understand the value of our traditions and our culture. Now I do." And he likes to believe that's what drew his father back to him, what makes it possible for them to talk. Reconciliation is possible and it's something Chakotay holds onto with both hands.

Bowing his head a little, his gaze falls on his medicine bundle, tucked safely away. "I was never able to reconcile our differences before my father was killed and even taking up the fight in his name didn't help. Only until I met the people who had once come to meet my ancestors, the people my tribe calls the Sky Spirits, was I able to fully understand and appreciate our traditions."

He may never quite understand why he's telling her all of this. Maybe it's because he's in love with her, the way he had felt about Kathryn and still does to a point. Or maybe it's because he trusts Hadand fully, knowing that she will not judge him. Nor will she be unkind in her response.

"That's one of the things I had hoped to teach you later, our meditation and the basis for our vision quests." It might go a long way towards strengthening their bond, even if it's just a friendship.

[deheldegarthe]

Unfortunately for Chakotay, Hadand has never held back on physical contact with the people she's closest to. She'll keep herself from admitting romantic interest, but she doesn't think she can bring herself to completely refrain from touching him. She notices nothing wrong with the pressure of his hand on hers. It wouldn't matter how tightly or loosely he held her hand. Any reciprocation is enough to make her wish for much more.

"You've seen him?" she asks, wonder in her voice. "Like a ghost, a spirit left behind? But ghosts don't speak. This is something different, something we don't have."

A ghost wouldn't be cause for comfort. People were meant to move on, in Hadand's traditions, and not to stay behind. That's why the singing after death is so important to her. It helps, though it isn't always enough. Hadand's father's first wife's spirit lingered in their castle, though most people couldn't see her. Hadand forbade Joret to ever tell her mother, because it was hard enough living with the figurative ghost of the first Iofre, let alone a real one.

"I'm glad that you've had the opportunity for that relationship, even if you do still wish you'd done it sooner. I'll be honored to learn everything you want to teach me."

[chakotay]

Chakotay is fine with the little touches, the hand holding and placing hands on backs and shoulders and arms. Actual hugs make things difficult for him, but he's used to the differences between Kathryn and Seska. With Kathryn, there's a line, a very distinct line, between what is acceptable support and what isn't. He believes the same is true of Hadand right now and so he's held himself back, mostly because he isn't sure where that line is exactly and the last thing he wants is to cross it without knowing.

Instead, he holds back, keeping to what he knows is all right. "It's part of our beliefs, easier to show than to explain. But first we'll have to work on meditation and the vision quest. If you're still willing to learn, we could start after dinner." He had said they would start with her traditions first before moving on to his.

Speaking of dinner, he is really enjoying it. He's been quite happily eating the whole time. She should be proud. The only thing that could make this better would be a nice pot of mushroom soup. This time without the theft.

[deheldegarthe]

"I certainly want to learn, and I don't think I can stomach much more now, however nice it was to have something that tasted almost like home. I'll save whatever we don't finish." She smiles warmly at Chakotay. "You're welcome to keep eating, but I think I'll sing now if you don't mind. I... thought I'd start with Hymn to the Beginning, even if we usually only sing it on Firstday each new year. It gives a look at early Marlovan history, though I warn you it's very much in a conqueror's mindset."

Something she's leery of focusing on, knowing Chakotay's people's history. But there's no sense hiding it, and so when he agrees, she begins. There are no drums, though her hands keep a light beat on the edge of the table. That sound and the cadence of her chanting voice are reminiscent of hoofbeats, the history of plains riders echoing the animals they rode. And yes, there is a reference to the Venn in the very first line.

"Maralo Venn of ancient day, riding Hesea Plain
Wide as the wind’s home, free as the eagle.
Led by three warlords wielding the sun:
Montrei-Hauc the mountain-gift,
Montrei-Vayir plains masters,
Montredavan-An, lords of the forests.
Allies and equals, before they were kings."

Not all of the song is about glory and honor, though. Even in this song, some of the political tensions and conflict within Marlovan present-day Marlovan nobility are expressed.

"Riding the ranges, valiant and venturous,
Marlovan war kings defended the holdings
Great Vayir strongholds, from the high throne.
Yet treaties beholden, deeds of famed prowess
Bound Jarls and King at year’s Convocation.
War drums and danger through all four seasons
Brought fire and feud by gold-greed and fame-fire
Burned a hunger never to assuage.
Bones broken like spear-shafts,
Shields piled in towers,
Such was the vision of the Montredavan-An king."

The Montrei-Vayirs, Chakotay probably knows, are Iasca Leror's current ruling family. In this song, he'll hear about their rise to power. A very glorified portrayal of something that really amounted to an assassination, a shifting of power that could have been paralleled now had Hadand not successfully defended the throne. It actually explains a lot about her caution, about how danger-fraught the environment in which she grew up was, about the reason she still feels naked without her knives. But it also speaks to how important her people are to her. Hadand can never forget the facts of Marlovan history because the songs were taught as she learned to speak. The songs still come to her first, even though she learned dates and context for all of them as part of her education.

She stops after the song in a way she wouldn't at home, not moving on immediately to another. At least for tonight she'll give him opportunities to speak, to ask any questions, after each song.

[chakotay]

It's almost funny how much the song reminds him of Klingon culture and he reminds himself to warn B'Elanna next time he gets a chance. While she's come a long way in accepting herself and that half of her since she became part of Voyager's crew, she still has a long way to go. Hadand's viewpoint might do her some good, but only on B'Elanna's terms. For now, he pushes that thought to the side, paying more attention to Hadand and her song. While it isn't as peaceful as his own tribe's personal history, he can understand how important her people's history is to her. It's easy to see and to hear. At first, he did keep eating, at least a little and slowly, but then her words and her tone captured him and now he is simply sitting still with his gaze lowered in respect and interest.

When she pauses, he lifts his gaze to her, a small smile gracing his lips. "If I didn't already know how important your people are to you, I would now," he says softly. "Loyalty is very important and so is history. My people tell stories, legends, the way you sing, for learning as well as for history."

[deheldegarthe]

She smiles back at him, relieved at the reaction and grateful for his words. But then, there was one other thing in that song, besides the conquest, that she worried about Chakotay's reaction to. "The first line of that song, where the Venn were mentioned... we mistranslated 'marolo' for a long time. Everyone believed it meant 'accursed of the Venn.' It doesn't. There's a reason the Venn consider Iasca Leror their enemy. The correct translation is 'outcasts of.' Every Marlovan is part Venn. We flourished after our long-ago banishment. They let us go for centuries, but I think it's always been a matter of time."

Which may put Voyager in a bad position. Her crew has a right to know, and this is one of the two things she plans on taking to the captain in the morning. "I can pass for Iascan, and maybe even Idayagan. I would appreciate it if ship's records listed me as either of those, under another name if necessary. Not 'Algara-Vayir'; the Marlovan word for 'plains' is in my name, and my younger brother has made us a very unpopular family among the Venn. They might take me as hostage to him if they found out.

"I don't want to endanger the crew as we move into more heavily Venn-patrolled areas. If the Venn find out I'm Marlovan, they'll kill the whole ship. Iascans are sometimes captured, but their ships are safe. No one bothers the Idayagans yet, even now that we've taken Idayago to keep the Venn from using it as a base of attack." Hadand feels bad about waiting this long to tell Chakotay or the captain. She's rectifying it, giving away all her secrets now. Hadand isn't going to keep any of them after tonight.

Well, just one. A new one at that. Hadand won't give voice to anything she feels for Chakotay. She never wants her love to be a burden, and she won't offer it unless he speaks or acts.

[chakotay]

Chakotay listens attentively for as long as she speaks, taking in her words and their meaning. Taking Hadand on will be like taking on Neelix and Kes so many years ago and making enemies of the Kazon in the process. He doesn't move until she's finished, taking that moment to reach across the table to rest his hand over hers, a physical companion to the words he's about to offer her.

"We will do anything it takes to keep you safe," he tells her softly but firmly. "You should tell the Captain in the morning, but I know she would say the same."

His gaze turns serious, his eyes more than the rest of his face full of the promise of his words. "We won't let them take you or bring harm to this ship." If it comes down to it, Kathryn will self-destruct the ship. They all know it. But that is something he'll let Hadand find out herself... or in her talk with Kathryn in the morning.

"You are safe here."

[deheldegarthe]

Hadand's gaze drops to their hands when he reaches out for her. Something in her wants to sing out with hope, to believe that he might feel the same way she does. But they've already established those touches as acceptable in the bounds of their friendship today. She's held his hand twice. It may not be proof of anything, however much want and affection the warm fingers on hers prompt when accompanied by what he says.

She smiles, can't help smiling, even as she scolds him gently. "Chakotay, I was talking about keeping the ship safe. The crew. Yes, I want my own safety, but not if it comes at the cost of anyone else on board."

After a moment's pause, she adds, "And not at the cost of my brother, either. I already planned on going to Captain Janeway with all of this tomorrow. She deserves any tactically relevant information I have, and I'd hardly expect you to keep anything from her. I'd just rather say it myself."

Hadand knows that the captain and Chakotay are close friends at least, and good partners when it comes to running the ship. Whether or not there's anything more between them, she knows better than to ask that he keep any secrets. And it would be a poor way to repay the captain for taking her on board, for trusting Hadand and offering her a way out.

"Could I tell you about someone called Elgar the Fox?" she asks.

[chakotay]

"I'm aware of that," he tells her gently, giving her hand a squeeze before removing it and settling back on his side of the table. "But that includes you now. Even though you aren't officially stationed anywhere, you're one of this crew, as much a part of this ship as Neelix or Naomi Wildman or anyone else. We protect our own."

Their loyalty extends quite far. Now that she's been taken aboard for the duration of their journey or her lifespan, she's one of them and will be both treated and respected as such. That also means he has an excuse to protect and help her that isn't just how much he cares about her.

"We won't put your brother's life at risk." But it's good that she recognizes that she should take it to the captain. He would hate to have to tell that story for her now that he knows. "I wouldn't. We work as a team to keep Voyager safe. What I know, she knows. But you're right. It would be better coming from you." So hopefully she won't wait too long or he'll be forced to say it for her.

When she asks her next question, he nods. He likes stories on principle, more so the ones he doesn't know. If this helps her or leads him to a further understanding of her, he will absolutely and very gladly listen.

[deheldegarthe]

"Elgar the Fox is perhaps the most notorious pirate in this part of space. He's certainly the one most hated and pursued by the Venn. He doesn't attack planets or innocent ships. He's a pirate-killer, and he destroys or captures the ships that do that. The Venn have been paying them to raid Iasca Leror for some time, so it's helped us, and it also helps all the other planets whose planets or trade were affected by the Brotherhood of Blood." She did mention the Brotherhood as a threat when she came aboard, just like the Venn, because the red ships are still out there. At least some of them.

"He really only made a name for himself and became a serious threat in the past couple years. There's a reason for that. Elgar is very young. Eighteen."

Why Hadand knows the precise age of this pirate, she doesn't say till after she's paused and met Chakotay's eyes for a moment. Quietly, she continues, "Elgar is a Marlovan. His real name is Indevan Algara-Vayir. My brother. He was sent off world at age eleven because he refused to accept the undeserved penalty for a contrived disgrace. His refusal could have sparked a civil war, but a quiet disappearance wouldn't. I think he's doing all he can against the Venn. When I told you earlier today that I couldn't hold your actions against you any more than I'd hold my brother's against him, Inda is who I was thinking of. He's on the wrong side of the law according to most planets here."

She's so grateful that Inda's alive, and that he's had a crew competent enough to have kept him that way this long. But if the Venn find an Algara-Vayir for the taking, she has no doubts they'd make use of her as leverage against her brother. The fondness in her voice is unmistakable when Hadand adds, "At ten and eleven he was already a skilled commander. I don't think I've ever met anyone born with more talent for it. He wins people's respect, his plans are good, and he's as loyal as he is unambitious. I doubt even seven years could have changed that."

[chakotay]

Chakotay doesn't interrupt, listening quietly to her story for as long as she tells it. He meets her gaze with his, but still he doesn't press her or rush her. This is her story to tell and he won't push her through it. They have all night; she can speak at her leisure.

The tale does explain a lot about Hadand's reaction to Chakotay and the Maquis. He considers the similarities and differences quietly, nodding thoughtfully in response. The two do hold a lot in common and he can see better now why they gravitated towards each other. However, has has a feeling that where Elgar and his crew are honorable with their intentions, some of the Maquis weren't. Thievery was common, thievery from the Federation and Cardassia alike. Trespassing. And as long as they struck a blow against the Cardassians, a lot was permissible. Each cell was different, like the Kazon sects, but unlike the Kazon, every Maquis fought the same war.

After a few minutes of silence, Chakotay offers a small smile of understanding. "I find myself wishing I could meet him, but I would never want to put him in that kind of danger. We will keep him, you, and the crew of Voyager safe. You have my word."

They won't take any unnecessary risks, no more than usual, and he knows Kathryn will work to keep both Hadand and Inda safe. Hadand's identity will be as secret as they can keep it. The entire crew will be under orders not to reveal her true family name, those who may know it. Most know her only by her given name and that is enough.

[deheldegarthe]

Oh, she doesn't know about the nobility of Inda's crew, especially since she has no idea what they'd do without him as their leader. She's happy enough that they've kept her brother in one piece. Asking for more seems greedy. Hadand has her priorities.

"Inda's always in danger. His real identity is becoming common knowledge now, I think. The Venn know he's Marlovan for certain. Probably his full name as well. I don't think he'd balk at a little more of it, and I'd love to see my brother again now that he's grown up. I wish I could introduce you."

But Chakotay has once again offered what she asked. She smiles at the assurance, saying softly, "Thank you."

[chakotay]

Chakotay nods, a small but sincere smile playing across his features. "We won't put anyone else in danger," he says easily. "If there's one thing all of us on this ship understand, it's the desire to keep loved ones safe."

Blood family or chosen family, friend or anything else, the crew of Voyager absolutely understands loyalty. They're all loyal to their important people and to each other. With Hadand now being one of their number, it's very easy to promise her that same loyalty.

"The captain will probably give you the option of what name and people you want to take. That much will be your choice." Kathryn Janeway doesn't force anything on her people. Unless they're being particularly stubborn, but then she usually resorts to orders to get things done and orders are orders. Chakotay has a feeling Hadand will respect those very quickly.

[deheldegarthe]

"I was lucky," Hadand tells Chakotay seriously, a soft smile on her lips and her gaze on him. "I can't think of a ship I'd rather be on. I was lucky you passed by at the right time."

She'll come up with a name in the morning. Something Iascan or Idayagan. Probably the latter. But she refuses to give up her own name completely. If she has to shorten or alter Hadand, she will, but she wants a name close to her own.

Hadand sings a couple more songs, allowing Chakotay to ask any questions he might have, and then leans forward, forearms resting on the table. "If you're finished eating, I'll clear this and we can talk about some of your traditions," she offers.

[chakotay]

Chakotay's eyes are serious, though his tone is light, "I think we were all lucky the day we found you."

One of these days, someone is going to figure out his feelings for her before he's ready to even admit them to himself and it will all go downhill from there.

After she sings and they clear away the leftovers, saving what she wants to keep and setting aside anything else to be recycled into the replicator, he picks up his medicine bundle and motions for her to join him on the floor. Sitting cross-legged and motioning for her to sit across from him, he spreads the bundle across the floor between them.

"I don't usually show this to anyone else," he explains. "It's called a medicine bundle, a gathering of very important personal items to help in our vision quests. These items can be anything, as long as they are important to you, so that they can ground you and help you take a trip into your inner self. Mine are a blackbird wing, a CHAH-mooz-ee river stone, and an akoonah to help facilitate the vision quest. Eventually, if you decide to continue this, you will need to make one of your own."

[deheldegarthe]

Hadand's cheeks flush, and she ducks her head as she smiles. The compliment might signify more if he made it personally rather than on behalf of the crew as a whole. It would give her more hope that he felt the same way, at least. But it's enough. Enough to warm her completely and earn him another soft, "thank you."

She's completely admitted her feelings for him to herself. Hadand will just hold onto them as her own secret, as best she can, unless he ever seems to welcome them.

Settling easily and comfortably across from him, she leans forward, examining all of it closely with her eyes but not reaching out to touch any of it. She would know it was personal to him before he said anything, just by the reverent way he carried it.

"I took so little when I left home," she says quietly, more to herself than Chakotay. Hadand traveled light, as people often do when fleeing. She isn't sure how long something like dried plants from home would last, or what else she might use. Perhaps the embroidered border from robes that used to belong to her grandmother, even though it seems a shame to destroy those. But that's a question for another day. "I'm glad you're willing to share this with me. How does a vision quest work? What are the things I ought to know to begin with?"

[chakotay]

"You could find things here as well," he offers. "You have time to decide." The vision quests will, of course, be easier with her own bundle, but for now they can use his. As long as it does the job.

His smile warms, both at the sight of her flush and from happiness that she is open to doing this. Not everyone is. Being able to share this with someone who is so important to him means everything.

"Our vision quests are very important to my people," he begins carefully. "Traditonally, this is how the Sky Spirits and our ancestors speak with us. They guide us through our lives, help us navigate our difficulties. All you need to know and be aware of is that it will feel like a dream. My voice will guide you." He pauses for just a moment, remembering the last two people he helped with this, his smile turning more amused. "Just... don't try to attack your animal guide when you find them and don't tell me what you see. Both will offend your guide and we don't want that."

Chakotay liked to think Kathryn keeps up those vision quests, but it's hard to say. B'Elanna, on the other hand, doesn't, but he can certainly understand why.

"Are you ready to try?"

[deheldegarthe]

Hadand nods. She isn't materialistic, and she doesn't foresee herself acquiring much while she's on board. But she's coming to care about the people on board. As Voyager becomes more and more her home, it will probably have more meaning to her as well.

"Is that warning from experience?" she asks, smiling. She takes this seriously, of course, but that doesn't preclude a little bit of amusement at that caution. "I won't. I wonder if they'll be animals from your world or mine. But if I can't tell you about it, I suppose that means no asking questions afterward."

Hadand settles herself more comfortably, just a slight shift, and looks to Chakotay with trust written openly in her expression. "I'm ready."

She would be less so with no idea of what to expect, if anyone else were guiding her. There's nothing of bluff or bravado in the words right now.

[chakotay]

Chakotay's lips twist at her question. "It might be," he answers as evenly as he can, which isn't very by now. "Just remember to be respectful. Your animal guide is here at your request to help you on your journey. It wouldn't be very polite to offend your guide."

Not that he could ever imagine a world in which Hadand would do that, but the warning needs to be said all the same. No asking questions. That will more be something for him to remember later. As curious as he might be, he cannot ask her. For now, he reaches out for the akoonah, motioning for Hadand to place her hand there. "Keep contact with this and close your eyes. Focus on the sound of my voice."

Taking a deep breath of his own now, he lets his own eyes slide shut and begins his chant. His voice is soft and gentle, rolling through the air between them like a small creek through the woods or a breeze between leaves. His purpose is to help guide her through her vision quest and do to that he has to be calm and quiet.

"A-koo-chee-moya. We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers, and from the bones of our ancestors." He continues onward, letting the quest take effect. With her hand on the akoonah and both of his on his knees, she will be the one connected to the spirits rather than him. Her vision quest should begin shortly. "Picture a place you know, somewhere important to you. When you open your eyes, look around. The first animal that you see is your guide."

[deheldegarthe]

Hadand has tried hard to avoid picturing home. She still misses it acutely, however much she's coming to care for members of Voyager's crew, especially the man sitting across from her now. Finally, with Chakotay's voice in her ears, she gives herself permission.

A soft gasp slips out before she can help it at the sight, even if it's all in her mind, of the plains she's been longing for. Hadand inhales deeply, relishing the smell of grass, the one scent that makes her think of home even more strongly than that of bread baking. She wanted this. Before she even looks for the nearest animal, she has to take a moment to appreciate the sensation of being back where she always belonged.

But she's here for a reason, and almost reluctantly, she turns, eyes alert for any movement. At first, all she sees is the swaying of grass in a gentle breeze. Then she hears hoofbeats and makes another quarter turn.

She doesn't know the name to put to the creature. A horse is new. But hoofbeats on the ground are such a familiar sound that her very first instinct is to vault onto his back and gallop away across the gentle hills. Hadand misses her own mount almost as much as she misses her mother and all the other people she left behind.

Something tells her that trying to ride her animal guide, especially uninvited, would be almost as offensive as attacking him. Hadand sighs almost reluctantly as she steps closer, extending one hand to be sniffed as she would with any animal at home. She thinks that this is probably respectful enough. It's the way she was always taught to show respect to the animals of her own world, at least.

Even with the distractions of home and horse in her mind, Hadand is very aware of Chakotay's presence. His voice forms a backdrop to all of it. Her chest tightens almost painfully at the realization that the sound of his voice makes this vision feel even more like home than the real plains of her own world would now. He has become that much a part of her. "I've met him," she tells Chakotay quietly.

[chakotay]

"Introduce yourself to your guide, if you haven't already." From the tone of her voice and the words chosen, Chakotay assumes that she already has, "Once you have done that, it is time to open yourself. Speak with your guide. Ask for counsel if you need it or simply get to know each other. Do not speak aloud to me. This must be between you and your guide."

He cannot say what way her guide will speak to her, as each one is different. Hadand will have to find her own way of communication and if her mind is open enough, she will discover the easiest and best way.

[deheldegarthe]

Hadand's conversation with her guide tonight is not a long one. She isn't asking about Chakotay, not yet. She wants to feel more like a member of the crew before she can even consider risking the friendship that makes her feel most at home here. Hadand can't bring herself to speak if her feelings might be a burden for him. Instead, she hopes for direction. For purpose. She'll do whatever it takes to establish that.

When she opens her eyes and the first thing she sees is Chakotay's face, Hadand can't help the fond smile that spreads across her face immediately. Chakotay is probably the only sight that could rival the places and people she left behind. She stays silent for a moment, beginning with a heartfelt, "Thank you," before she says anything else.

"Not asking questions is hard," Hadand admits, because describing the animal to ask him what it is would offend her guide, and so would asking whether it has an inherent meaning as opposed to just what she understands from their interactions. "I worry I might be missing the knowledge you have of symbols and meanings. Like having a conversation in a newly learned language without all the nuanced context that would come of growing up speaking it."

[chakotay]

Chakotay is both surprised and not surprised that Hadand's first talk with her spirit guide doesn't go as long as some others might. He murmurs instructions to her as necessary, keeping her grounded and focused, and then he falls silent, letting her talk to her guide in whatever way she wants while he meditates on his own with his eyes shut.

He should talk to his father soon. Not today, as he doesn't have the time with Hadand here. Perhaps after he leaves and returns to his own quarters.

When she finally speaks again and his eyes are open once more, he smiles fondly at her, hoping that the smile doesn't give anything away regarding his feelings for her. He doesn't want to make things strained between them or awkward. She's just settling in and she still needs the time to do that.

"I can show you how to access Voyager's library files," he offers easily. "And the holodeck as well can show you the different species of animal we have. Starfleet doesn't have a full account of my people's beliefs, but I can give you an overview without asking you to be specific." He would not mind that at all. Any time spent with Hadand is time well spent, as far as he is concerned. Maybe he cares too much for her, but it's already too late for that.

[deheldegarthe]

Hadand's smile deepens, and she nods eagerly. "I'd like that. I don't want to be disrespectful, but I want to understand as much as I can."

It doesn't escape her notice that he's offered to spend still more time with her, as if she didn't already occupy a good deal of Chakotay's free time. Between help with holodeck programs, Restday dinners, and all the other ways he takes the time to check in on Hadand and make sure she's well... Chakotay's duties on the ship take up a lot more of his day than what little she has in the way of assigned tasks. She likes the idea of it, she just wants to be careful not to monopolize his time and energy, not to the extent that it starts to feel like an obligation. "I hope I'm not taking up too much of your time," she says softly. "I know your days are a lot busier than mine are."

But then, she smiles again and adds, "Of course, I enjoy your company very much, and I'll gladly take as much of your time as you offer me."