triangularity | AUs of our AUs: A timeline diverges, and a would-be queen leaves her kingdom behind.

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hadand

AUs of our AUs: A timeline diverges, and a would-be queen leaves her kingdom behind.

Hadand knew he was here. She waited in the throne room, dressed in her family's green rather than the royal crimson, a black sash at her waist. Cama stood by in Shield Arm position, having had both the faith in Hadand and Evred and the air of authority necessary to take over the Guard and back Hadand's orders. When Evred finally reached the throne room, his arrival heralded as much by the people's gasps and murmurs as by any formal announcement, she saluted, fist to heart.

Everything blurred together after that. Evred got her alone at first opportunity, taking Hadand by the hands once they were safely shut into the royal nursery where they had grown up together. "You held the kingdom. There's nothing greater anyone could ask."

It struck her suddenly, how tall and straight he'd grown. Only his expressions distinguished him from his late father. There were new lines around his eyes since last she'd seen him. Even at twenty, he was old enough and wise enough that Hadand could easily trust him with a kingdom. She would trust Evred with anything, herself included. He could never care for her romantically, of course, and she stamped out any faint tendrils of attraction before they could take root and grow strong.

"Sponge--" she started, cutting herself off at use of the childhood nickname. "Evred, I know you have far more than your share of worries right now, but could I ask you to take on one more?" At his nod of assent, an unspoken 'of course' implied in the look that accompanied it, she continued. "There are whispers in the palace. Eyes follow me, and people stop speaking when I enter a room. I've no wish to burden you, but things changed after my father went home to Choread Elgaer. I fear it may mean more trouble coming."

He squeezed her hands briefly before releasing them. "Hadand," and he paused here to consider his words, "you know that I trust you completely, and know you too well to believe any testimony against you." The one bit of broken trust between them had been long-since forgiven, though never forgotten. Evred loved her like a sister. He had always trusted and looked up to her, in a way he never had his own sibling.

"That means there is false testimony," Hadand concluded, as he'd known she would. "Lies to further muddy the waters, as if things weren't bad enough. What do they say?"

Evred's mouth twisted. "You were implicated in my brother's assassination." At her look of outrage, he continued, "I doubt they can get you executed for it, but they will almost certainly have you imprisoned in the numbers they are amassing to back their story.

"Hadand, I want you to go. Like Inda." He never mentioned Inda aloud anymore, but Hadand knew her youngest brother was always in Evred's thoughts. The name alone was proof of his seriousness. "I want you out of reach of this, and there will be no honorable return to Iasca Leror. It is all I can do for you. You deserve to be Hadand-Gunvaer, and hailed as Deheldegarthe by the people. You earned that place. You defended the throne with your own two hands, and I had thought to ask..."

He trails off momentarily, before shaking his head. "Go to Lindeth Harbor. Sail on the ship with least ties to home."

Hadand had remained stoic throughout the speech, but that last word, home, broke her facade. Evred could see how lost she felt now, rather than just surmising it. She knew nothing of space travel. When Barend came home to speak of his time aboard ships, it sounded like nonsense to her. And Iasca Leror was, of course, her home. Hadand could recall no time when she had not known that she would be its queen one day. Her life was here. Her family, what little of it remained to her, was here.

Her family.

With Hadand gone, that would leave not a single one of her parents' children alive and within the kingdom. Her mother would be left with the two girls she'd raised to wed the two sons now lost to her, and not even any letters from a daughter in the royal city as consolation.

That was unacceptable. "If I go," she said quietly, "I need a promise from you. As my friend, my family, and my king."

"Anything," he promised, "if it is within my power to do."

Hadand breathed deep before she spoke again, chin jutting out stubbornly. "Bring my brother home. Swear it to me, and swear it to my mother. Write to my mother from time to time. Tell her I escaped safely. Pass along my love, if you can manage it." She reached out, very lightly touching Evred's arm. Her voice was very soft. "Inda's situation was nothing like mine. He refused a whipping after contrived boyhood dishonor, not because he was afraid but because he did not deserve it. Find a way to set it aside. The revelation of your uncle's other treachery should help. Find Inda, and set things right."

He said he would, and so, she left.

As luck would have it, Hadand found the most foreign ship of all, one whose ties were in an entirely different part of the galaxy. Hadand pled her case with Captain Janeway of the Voyager and was allowed aboard. It pained her to leave Iasca Leror and know that there would truly be no return, but at least now there can be no second guessing.

Hadand can never go home.

She tries to settle into her new life aboard ship, the greenest of new recruits but willing to learn. Hadand cautiously works her way into the crew trying to find a place and a purpose after losing the only ones she'd known.

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This isn't something Hadand ever expected from her life. She planned to marry a man she considered an enemy, and then, before all of the false accusations, thought she'd marry someone who would never love her back. Passion isn't new, but in the past it was something else, always completely separate from her heart. Her kiss to Chakotay is her first with someone she really cares about. When he returns it, she's startled by just how good it feels, and just how much she wants him. She hums in pleasure.

No one's ever said her name like that, either, or touched her so reverently. She reaches up to lay her hand lightly over his. "I was afraid to hope that you felt the same way, but you were the first thought in my mind when Inda asked if I was happy." Not the only thought, which is for the best because it means she has more to hold her here, a sense of purpose outside of their relationship, but the first.

Her soft smile shifts into a broad grin of anticipation as Chakotay pulls her into exactly the place she most wants to be right now. She settles comfortably into his lap and presses her body against his. Hadand wraps her arms around Chakotay's shoulders, kissing him hungrily.

They remain in place for quite a while, holding each other and doing what cadets at the Academy have always called "making out." In fact, Chakotay only stops when it seems that both of them are out of breath. He doesn't get this sort of thing often. In fact he can remember the last time it happened and he very much wants to erase that memory. Having Hadand in his lap is a definite improvement to his romantic life.

"Hadand," he whispers reverently, his eyes searching hers. "I... This may be too soon, but I had thought..."

Somehow, the wordsmith lost his words. He takes a breath and tries to start again.

"This step may be coming early and we may need to find you another set of clothes for the night and morning, but... if you decide you want to stay the night, I would very much like that."

She's practically giddy by the time they separate for air, another new thing. Physically, she's enjoyed herself, but she's certainly never been so happy in a relationship that she felt like there simply wasn't room in her for more. The revelation that he returns all of her feelings seemed too good to possibly be true, but then it was echoed and reinforced by every touch and every kiss until she fully accepted it.

Hadand laughs softly, a little breathier than usual. There's something endearing in the way Chakotay fumbles for words now, eloquence discarded. She may have fretted about telling Chakotay she loved him, but this is a very easy question for Hadand to ask or answer.

"I'd be disappointed," she tells him, running her hands over his shoulders and down his chest, "to sleep alone after you kissed me like that. Of course I'll stay. I'd have asked whether you wanted to weeks ago, if I weren't worried about the strength of my feelings being a burden."

In case Chakotay was wondering whether Marlovans have any taboos relating to sex, he'll be quickly shown otherwise. Hadand isn't shy at all, in discussion or practice.

Chakotay's lips curl upwards in an almost shy smile that she will be seeing a whole lot more of and he dips his head as though to briefly hide it. She's been waiting a while, it seems. Probably longer than he has. All the more reason for them to try this relationship and make each other happy.

"And I was worried that you loved someone else or that I would always just be your friend," he admits. "I didn't want to burden you, either. I guess we're a little too alike in some things."

Not that this is a bad thing. Warmth curls his lips further as he leans in to briefly kiss her once more. "We should find you something to wear in the morning." And at night if she wants. "We could replicate something so that you don't have to leave...?"

Or she could grab something from her quarters and spare the replicator rations. He should likely prepare his room for an overnight guest. It's been so long since he had one. Kathryn only stays for dinners these days and usually he is the one joining her in her quarters. Their meetings never last long, though. Not like this. As much as he loves Kathryn, he thinks he could love Hadand more.

Oh, she loves that smile. She could get used to it far too easily, and Hadand leans in to kiss him affectionately on the cheek before Chakotay can raise his head to meet her gaze again.

The second of those worries is familiar enough, but the first obviously gives her pause. Hadand is surprised, the idea of loving someone else not even having occurred to her. Softly, she tells him, "I've never loved anyone else. Except perhaps Evred, but... he's only interested in men. I've known that for years, almost as long as I've been attracted to him. If I'd stayed on Iasca Leror, he would have married me without any idea how I felt." A political marriage that would have worked out beautifully if it weren't for Hadand's heart. She would have loved him, and he'd never have returned those feelings. He couldn't. He wasn't made that way.

It makes her all the more grateful for what she has here in front of her. Resting a hand on his neck, she traces her thumb along Chakotay's jawline.

That tenderness turns back to laughter after his kiss. Hadand would be perfectly fine walking back to her quarters in today's clothes, because she really doesn't care what the crew says. Gossip is gossip, and this isn't anything Hadand feels the need to hide. Clearly amused, she replies, "Save your replicator rations. We can use them to add mushroom soup to the menu next time we have dinner together. That was your favorite, right?" She couldn't help making note of that small detail, even in the middle of heartwrenching stories.

"Give me five minutes or so, and I'll be back. But first..." She happens to like sitting in his lap, and Hadand isn't going anywhere without kissing Chakotay very thoroughly first. After that, she'll tear herself away long enough to preserve them both from more gossip than necessary.

It's a strange thing, the idea of Hadand nearly having been married to another. Stranger still is the idea that she would have married someone who never would have loved her in return. It saddens Chakotay's heart in a way, but he finds himself glad that he can give this to her now. After all, he's happy to have the opportunity for himself. If Hadand hadn't come aboard, he would never have had love like this, a love returned. At this point, Kathryn will never love him the way he loves her. Chakotay and Hadand have that in common.

He manages an amused smile and a chuckle to hear that she remembers the little detail of his favorite soup. He should have known she would. "It is," he confirms. "There's a special recipe I prefer above all others. It's in the replicators." Or he might be able to convince Neelix to make it for the whole crew someday.

As it stands, Chakotay absolutely does not mind the extra making out. After all of that time they spent separated, convinced that the other didn't love the way they did, it's about time they use every moment they have to make each other feel as loved and wanted and cherished as possible.

Once Hadand parts and leaves the room for her quarters, Chakotay sets about getting everything ready for a second person. Extra cups, extra towels -- not that the sonic showers really need towels, but she might want one for the morning -- and so on. By the time she returns, he is nervously hovering by the replicator, more to give himself something to focus on than anything else.

Edited 2015-12-18 07:25 (UTC)

It will be a miracle if there's no gossip the next day, even with a change of clothes handy. However discreet she is on the trip back to her own quarters, there's no hiding just how happy she is from the few crew members she passes in the halls. Even brief nods of greeting are enough to reveal the smile she's completely given up on containing. Right now, Hadand has everything she didn't think she could ask for.

She goes straight to Chakotay when she reenters the room, pushing up onto the balls of her feet so that she can kiss him lightly.

"Let me change first?" she asks.

It isn't necessary, of course. She wouldn't have spared a thought for anything other than getting each other out of their clothes quickly if they'd gone straight from the chair to the bed. Since their time together was already interrupted, though, she'd just as soon do this.

Once he agrees, it only takes her a moment in the other room to get out of her clothes and into a sleeping robe. Only one layer of lightweight fabric, and unlike her usual choices in clothing, its drape does absolutely nothing to hide her figure. She also takes down her hair, which Chakotay has never seen any way besides braided and usually wrapped around her head. Hadand isn't vain, but she knows she's always dressed for a fight. It's habit, and she likes it that way most of the time. Not tonight, though. Everything about her current attire and mess of brown curls is softness and comfort rather than warrior practicality.

And of course, there's always a member of the Gossip Squadron hidden nearby to catch anything necessary to their cause. The betting pool stakes just went up.

When Hadand returns and makes that request, Chakotay's immediate response is, "Of course." He is, naturally, curious and confused as to why she would want to change, why she wouldn't have changed clothes in her quarters instead of here. So he spends a few long minutes, wondering what is going on, what she's planning. Has he worried her too much? Worry, worry, worry.

And then she lets him into the bedroom with her and it's all he can do not to stand there slack-jawed. It's been a long time since he has had the opportunity to be with a woman like this, a long, long time since one has worn anything as attractive as this. Normally, he finds himself attracted to personality first, looks later. Tonight, he finds that Hadand is feeding both sides and he resolves to thank the Spirits for leading her to him.

"I suddenly feel overdressed," is about all he can manage to say in response as he slowly makes his way to her, slides his arms around her back, and kisses her soundly.

Hadand isn't worrying at all, and she'd be quick to reassure Chakotay if he let on that he was. She got all her worrying over with while she wondered what his feelings were. Now that those are in the open, there are few things she's more sure of than her relationship with Chakotay. Whatever terms he wants that relationship to be on, she's happy to accept. Hadand has faith that they'll figure those out as they go. He loves her back, and Hadand can't imagine how greedy she'd have to be not to be happy with that.

Well, maybe she could be a little greedy, because the look on Chakotay's face when he joins her is both exactly what she hoped for and nothing she ever expected. It's her turn to duck her head in an attempt to hide a shy smile. If only for a moment, he's caught her completely off-balance. Hadand doesn't need any compliments out loud. That look was more than enough.

Her shyness vanishes quickly enough, a soft laugh swallowed up into that kiss. Hadand pulls him close, assuring him breathlessly between kisses, "That can be changed easily enough." Hands on his lower back, she slides her thumbs underneath his shirt.

Edited 2015-12-19 04:56 (UTC)

If there is one thing getting to know Hadand's past has taught him it's that they come from vastly different cultural backgrounds. They'll have to talk things over when they aren't completely entranced and entwined with each other. Right now, all that matters is enjoying a night with each other.

He laughs at her words, letting her dictate what comes off first. He will be more difficult to undress, but that's all right. It's part of the joy.

Very quickly, Chakotay loses track of time. In fact, he loses himself in what he and Hadand are doing, in how it feels and what it means. When he next becomes aware of anything other than the woman in his arms, it's that the clock says 0400 hours. His shift begins at 0600. Two hours. He has a little less than two hours to spend with Hadand before reporting for duty. The Gossip Squadron will spare no time in asking him how his night went, he's sure, and one of them will probably start asking if Naomi Wildman will get a playmate sometime soon-

"Oh Spirits," he groans, covering his face with one hand as realization hit him. Things he should have discussed before they got carried away: the inhibitors!

The clothes take barely any of her attention. All of that is occupied by the man wearing them, and his uniform is such a small obstacle.

Hadand has always been straightforward and easy to please, but she completely loses herself in Chakotay in a way she never has with anyone else. There's so much more trust and emotion between them. She doesn't sleep at all, except when she slips into a light doze for a few minutes. Hadand deliberately stays awake, intent on appreciating the feeling of someone she loves wrapped up in her arms, his warmth against her.

When realization strikes him, her hand stills on his shoulder, where she had been idly tracing patterns. Concerned, Hadand props herself up on one elbow so she can see his face. "What's wrong, Chakotay?"

It can't be doubts about what exists between them now, she assures herself silently. Chakotay doesn't take anyone's feelings lightly.

Thinking of the inhibitors makes him think of other things and he groans again. He should have taken her straight to sickbay before they did anything at all, but he had never imagined...

"I should have taken you to sickbay before you kissed me last night, but I never expected that you would," he admits, finally letting his hand fall back against his side. Now how should he even begin this? "There's no real risk from last night. If I had expected anything that happened--" Or been thinking clearly when it did. "--I would have thought to ask if..."

His cheeks are probably bright red by now, but he forces himself onward.

"Starfleet officers are offered a fertility inhibitor. In case they don't want to run the risk of having a child before they are prepared. We should... I should have asked."

Spirits, could this be more awkward???

Hadand listens silently, her brow furrowed as she tries to figure out what he's leading up to. Even once he reaches his point, it takes her a moment. Then it sinks in. It's such a human concern, or at the very least a non-Marlovan one, that she didn't even stop to think back to her own talk with the Doctor during her initial visit to sick bay. He was so taken aback by the genetic changes her people made to themselves that of course Chakotay is worried now.

And from the way Chakotay stumbles over his words, he's a lot less at ease with the subject than Hadand is. She smiles just a little, leaning over to kiss him softly on the forehead.

"That's not a concern," she tells him. Her smile falters slightly as she continues, "I'm infertile. It's in my medical records, if you want confirmation from the Doctor. I won't ever be pregnant."

After everything he told her last night about Seska, about the son he'll never get to raise, she ought to have offered this conversation sooner. She just got carried away, and unwanted pregnancy is such a foreign idea that it didn't occur to her to bring it up.

On the one hand, Chakotay was embarrassed not to have thought of this beforehand. On the other, he is now embarrassed to have brought up something potentially difficult for her to talk about. Not that she seems to mind too much. But, well, he minds on her behalf.

Reaching for one of her hands, he searches her eyes with no small amount of concern. "Hadand... I'm sorry. I didn't know. If I had..." There wouldn't have been need to bring that part up. As for the other... "I still should have told you that we should have gone to sickbay beforehand. It's... standard procedure for Starfleet officers to have clearance from the Chief Medical Officer before engaging in intimate relations with a member of another species so the CMO can be sure they won't cause harm to each other."

And the Doctor will have to inform the Captain, and Chakotay is facing an interesting lecture from Captain Janeway in the future. When did his life get so... complicated?

At first she just listens, with a light, reassuring brush of her thumb over Chakotay's cheek when he apologizes. It isn't necessary.

"In case we weren't... biologically compatible?" she responds after a moment's thought, because that part is easiest to answer. There seems to be no danger of that, judging by how well their night went. The rest, she takes a moment to think about, choosing her words.

Finally she settles on, "All Marlovan women are infertile. There's a plant at home that temporarily reverses it when we want to conceive, but I left so quickly and wasn't planning on children for years. I didn't think to bring any with me. I didn't realize it would be hard to find outside of our solar system."

Reaching for his hand, Hadand laces her fingers between Chakotay's before continuing. She meets his gaze steadily as she tells him, "I do want children someday. I know now isn't the occasion to consider it, but I've had time to think, since my first talk with the Doctor. There are options, if our relationship ever progresses to a point where we want that. Several species in my part of the galaxy have an... alternative method of reproduction. I can try, but if it doesn't work, I don't need a child to be mine by blood. I wouldn't love an adopted child any less, or you would be welcome to have one with someone else if that was what you wanted."

If he wants children who are his own blood, Hadand isn't at all jealous or possessive. She wants the people she loves happy, first and foremost. Whatever brings that to them, she'll accept willingly. How could something as wonderful as a child born to a loving family be bad?

"Yes," Chakotay answers, glad that he doesn't have to explain the finer points about that. It's nice to have her fingers running across his cheek, but that doesn't help him feel less guilty or less like he's backed them both into a corner. He knows what comes next. "The Doctor will find out. I'll have to tell him to mitigate some of that damage and then he will tell the captain. I'll take full responsibility for it. I should have mentioned Starfleet's rules sooner."

Chakotay isn't someone who has a guilt complex that gets in the way of his work, but every so often he does something that eats at him. This isn't on the same level as his guilt regarding his father, but it's got its own level regardless. That and he doesn't want Hadand to get into any trouble with Kathryn or Tuvok because of him.

As for the rest, however, a frown crosses Chakotay's face at the implications of him having a child with someone else. Unaware that their cultures are about to clash in a way he could never have predicted, he shifts to prop himself up on one arm so his free hand can cup her cheek. "There is nothing I would ever want with anyone else," he says fervently. "I would never ask that of you or anyone I was with. If we decide later on that we want to try to have a child, then we can talk about alternative methods. Together." Leaning forward, he kisses her gently and briefly. "I love you, Hadand. I will never want anything with someone else, especially not a child."

"I didn't know," Hadand says slowly, "but I didn't ask before I kissed you, either. I don't need you to protect me from consequences for something I enjoyed every bit as much as you did."

And she did enjoy herself. Very much. She could face most punishments or reprimands, as long as none of them barred her from seeing Chakotay.

His reaction surprises her, and she doesn't bother trying to keep that off her face. Even so, the kiss and the repeated declaration of his feelings pull a smile from Hadand. "I didn't want to assume..." She hesitates, because this means they don't have the same ideas in their heads about relationships. She wants to be clear, because this is important to her. Chakotay is important to her.

"The only things I need from you are honesty and love. I don't have expectations, when it comes to relationships. Especially with our marriages arranged so young, that was important. What happens in a relationship is no one's business besides the people in it. Our parents chose our marriages for us in treaties made before we were born, but it was up to us to figure out what terms those would be on. In my case, we were required to produce heirs. That was the only requirement. Exclusivity was never something I felt the need to ask for, and I wouldn't have even if I were marrying for love. I'm not jealous or possessive. I want your happiness. My own isn't dependent on being the only person in your life, physically or romantically."

It's her turn to lean forward, and she kisses him softly on the cheek and then the lips. A small smile tugs at the corner of her mouth as she assures him, "I don't need the promise you gave me, but I don't expect to be drawn to anyone else so long as you return my feelings. I don't fall in love easily or often. Of course if it's important to you, I'll gladly agree. I'd planned on asking what you want."

Kathryn wouldn't forbid them to see each other unless they had done something truly unforgivable. But if they had, she would sooner throw them into the brig first. That said, Chakotay is going to have a lot to explain as soon as they visit sickbay.

For as long as Hadand speaks, Chakotay takes in what she says, listening carefully and turning over her words. The explanation makes sense, in a way, as much as it can. Even though Chakotay had never grown up in something like that, he can understand where Hadand is coming from. The fact that she is even telling him this means a lot. It tells him that she really, really cares about him and his comfort. Not that he ever doubted that. Doubt would never factor into it.

"I understand," he begins. "And I appreciate your honesty. For me, for my tribe and most of the people on Voyager, being allowed to choose who we want to spend the rest of our lives with means that we... agree to a monogamous relationship. What it means to me is that I could never want to be with anyone else in any fashion. It would feel... dishonest. Not everyone feels this way, I know. But you are my world now, Hadand, and I want to keep it that way. As long as I have your love, I'll be happy."

He won't push, he supposes. If she would be happy with a little more flexibility, he could learn to adjust. The most important thing is that they agree on something and still make each other happy.

She can't help a quiet, sharp inhalation followed immediately by an incredulous smile as he finishes speaking. She wasn't expecting that. Not so soon, at least.

"It's not dishonest," she disagrees gently, "unless you try to hide it rather than communicating openly."

But that isn't the point. Hadand sits up just enough to lean over and take Chakotay's face in both her hands. "What you're offering me is more than I ever hoped for before I met you. If I can't be happy with you sharing your heart with me, I'd never be satisfied with anything. You are more than enough for me, Chakotay. If you'd like a promise that I'll only be with you, that's easy enough. I can give you that with no regrets."

She kisses him deeply before settling back to the bed, her head resting on Chakotay's shoulder.

Chakotay nods at her correction. That is one way to look at it, even with the obvious cultural differences. Communication is obviously important to both of them, which is why they're having this conversation right now rather than later or not at all.

He lets his eyes roam across her face, taking in her body language along with her words. Not once has she ever given him a reason to doubt her or her sincerity, so trusting in her words now is exceptionally easy. The kiss is taken with passion and love, every ounce of his feelings poured straight into the embrace, and when she lets him go, he settles with his arm around her and his free hand reaching for her hand.

"I love you, Hadand," he murmurs, kissing the top of her head. "No matter what happens, I always will. And since we're on this topic..." Time for full disclosure in the name of honesty and communication. "Kathryn and I sometimes have lunch or dinner together. Mostly, it's a chance where we can drop rank and be friends, rather than captain and first officer. A part of me does still love her, but she closed that door many years ago. Now I just need to make sure she takes time to herself and takes care of herself. But I can guarantee and promise that you are the only person in the entire universe who will ever get more than friendship from me."

Hadand absolutely loves kissing Chakotay. The smile on her face as she pulls away is involuntary. Effortless. She lingers long enough that he's sure to get a glimpse of just how genuinely happy she is before going back to resting against him. Her fingers laced with his, Hadand offers a reassuring squeeze about halfway through his words about the captain.

"I'd wondered," she admits softly when he finishes. "Every once in awhile, the way you look at her... I wasn't upset, it just made me question more whether I ought to hope you felt anything for me. Of course your love for her isn't going to vanish entirely."

She does't mind that. Hadand already told him as much. And having feelings for someone else isn't the same thing as acting on those feelings. "I have no desire to control your life, Chakotay. You can take meals with anyone you like, and you should spend time with your friends. I'm sure she needs one, given she has to command every member of the crew. Thank you for telling me, though." She kisses his shoulder just because it's what's nearest and easiest to reach.

Hadand appreciates the honesty because it's further insight into Chakotay rather than because she would have worried about it on her own behalf. It's good, to understand more of where he's coming from, and gratifying that he trusts and values her enough to want to share.

That smile on Hadand's face is the best smile Chakotay has seen in a very, very long time. He is glad and grateful that he can bring a smile like that to her face and he does his best to echo it, to let her see just how happy she makes him. He doesn't honestly think he has ever truly felt like this, not even with Kathryn. Maybe the potential had been there once, but it faded over the years. With Hadand, this happiness and contentment with life has made him want nothing more than what he has now and it certainly shows brighter with each passing day.

"If I thought you were the controlling type, I wouldn't be lying here with you," he teases quietly. He hadn't told her because he thought she would be upset. So far, she has already shown him that she is nothing if not understanding, considerate, and open. What he had wanted from telling her about Kathryn was just to let her know, let her into something that he has never told anyone else, not in so many words. Kathryn knew, or at least had to suspect, after New Earth, but he had never spoken it so plainly before.

"She has Tuvok, but there are times when a Vulcan's support is needed and times when a human's is instead. Her job is difficult on this ship and it always will be. All I want is to make it easier to bear for even a few hours." Giving Hadand a gentle squeeze with one arm, he holds her close for a brief moment. "But that will never mean I care about you any less. I wanted to be honest with you, as that seems to be the best course of action between us."

It's nearly impossible to keep from kissing him whenever he smiles. Chakotay's smile is her favorite of his features, and knowing she brought it to his face only makes it that much sweeter.

Hadand can't help a soft laugh at the mention of Tuvok's support. She actually respects him quite a bit, and is doing her best to earn the reciprocation of that. Deliberately controlling and suppressing emotion doesn't make for the kind of support Hadand tends to need or offer, though. Yes, Captain Janeway probably does need both of them.

"Honesty is one of the two things I did ask you for, so I very much appreciate that." She pulls herself tighter against him, leaning in to kiss the side of his neck. "I'm in no hurry to get out of bed with you, of course, but should we plan on getting our visit to the Doctor done with before your shift?"

Hadand would be like nothing better than to stay here, wrapped up in him, until the last minute. She can think of a few very appealing ways to spend that time, but somehow she thinks both of them are probably too responsible. ...She'll have to save those thoughts for next time. Just thinking the words 'next time' warms her all the way through. Chakotay is as serious about this as she is. Hadand has more nights like this one to look forward to.

Chakotay sighs at the mention of getting up. She's right, of course. They should get that done first. Even though he's pretty sure neither of them really wants to get up, it will be better on both of them to get this done as soon as possible.

It's especially hard when she kisses his neck like that. He retaliates by leaning over to kiss her lips first before he answers.

"You're right. We should get that out of the way first. It will be easier to do it first than to go through the day and have a different lecture waiting for me."

Kathryn certainly wouldn't let him get away with it.

"Tomorrow, if you'd like to spend another night with me, we can wake up and not have to run to sickbay."

Her hum of approval into that kiss shifts to a reluctant groan as Chakotay pulls away. She slowly stretches her arms and back, stiff more from her spar with her brother the previous day than anything she did with Chakotay.

"There's no use in postponing lectures," she agrees, sighing. "That only makes them worse."

At least his offer cheers her up.

Hadand laughs, low and suggestive. "If? Chakotay, I can't think of a time when my answer would be no. Of course I'd like that. I enjoyed last night very much." Not that he'd have cause to doubt that, given her enthusiasm at the time. She punctuates this assurance with a lingering kiss to his lips, which she's well aware does nothing for making either of them more willing to get out of bed. She just can't help herself, not without far more restraint than she wants to exercise with Chakotay. She'll summon some up in a moment.

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